I had been mourning the loss of this friendship for a time already. Is that why the final blow barely even stung? In fact it is more freeing than anything else. No more pressure to try and keep up. No more attempts that make me feel I am not enough. Months of realizing I could never properly relate to their pains or joys have culminated in a solace of knowing I never have to. I’ll never be able to. It is truly impossible now. I think I loved them in the ways I can. I think I loved them and would have made effort to love them til the end. A different end. The fact that I can no longer love them, and that there is a relief with that negative action, makes me wonder once again if I ever loved them. Was it just a chore to feel normal? Was I simply bored and they were my distraction? Are both of those thoughts a way of coping with this loss? Was anything lost at all?